I really should have done so much more by now

It's already six o'clock in the evening and I've done nothing.

Well, that's not true. I had a wank earlier and also I made a great beautiful thing for my friend, but I can't say what it is because that would be strange and spoil the surprise.

But really I should have finished the book I was writing by now. It's called 'Prick up your Butt' and it's all about my life so far. I was going to call it 'My Life so Far', but then I found out that that
humourless
bitch
excercise godess

Jane Fonda

had beated me to it. Well, all I can say is that if I had sat on an anti-aircraft gun in Hanoi I would NOT be complaining about it. God. Anyone would think it mattered anyway. I mean who cares what some bint in a pink spacesuit with an obviously plastic breastplate thinks anyway. Whereas ME! People are always asking me what's going on in my head. I often answer nothing. Because a lot of the time I'm not actually thinking at all. I think that's cool though.



So, what's new? Oh, yes. I've become a Christian. Well, I think it's Christian...yeah. Definitely!
Although come to think of it the guy did have a Bindi (like a red dot on his forehead where his third eye should be) I was like. Why stick a red dot there. Surely it's like poking yourself in the eye. He said it was metaphorical. He's GORGEOUS!

I can't wait until all my hair falls out and I'm just old old old. Living with him. I very much think we're going to grow old together and have like an amazing old house on the beach and we'll sit on the porch and kids will come up and ask advice and we'll probably still run a media company from the internet. Oh! It's such a dream.

love love
M xxxx

Golf

Did you know that Scotland is the 'home of Golf'. Well, neither did I, but the other day I found out all about it. I went to play a game with my new Scottish buddy, Phaedra. Phaedra is cool, and I wanted to spend more time with her, but the problem was one of availability. With my hectic social life, there really wasn't any time at all to see her in the evening. So, anyway, we finally hit upon the idea of a golf tournament. She is the national under 16 Junior Golf Champion after all. Here's a picture of her.


So, we went to the home of Golf, St. Andrew's. It was truly amazing.
On the way round I met this guy. He was just about to tee off (that's what you call it when you hit a ball off the tee) when I noticed what extraordinary hands he had. The way they gripped the club...well, I couldn't contain a quick intake of breath and he misfired his shot. It was awful. I felt so bad. I went up and apologised and got a much closer look at those incredible hands of his. Anyway, he said he'd not even heard my intake of breath and that he just wasn't a very good golfer. I immediately put my hand out to show there were no hard feelings and when he took it in his palm I noticed how warm and dry those hands were (I dread to think what he would have thought of my clammy hands if they hadn't been hidden by flourescent golfing mitts.)



His look! I'll never forget that look.



His lazy eye confused me at first, but I could see there was an intensity there that is rare in most people who play golf that I've met. He didn't seem to care for the usual clubhouse rules. I think he would've worn a collarless shirt right there an then if his 'partner' hadn't called him. He turned away from me and soon he was gone over the first fareway.

This is a bit of what he looked like.



The only bit I remember.

Boiling Rice

I'm just boiling two half cups of rice. One for me and one for this guy I picked up. He's lovely. He comes from Mumbai and he's got all his own teeth. I was going to cook a curry for him, but he says that he hates curry and he says it's probably racist too. So, we're just having rice now.
It's finally happened though.
ooops. Oh.
He's comein.

i

POh

Oh, hang on. Wait!
I'll write more when I have more 'me' time.

Mxxx