Jockstrap Alabama

What a weekend? I went clubbing with my friend Mary 'Jockstrap' Wells. The reason we call her Jockstrap is because that's her middle name. It's pretty funny, huh?
So, Mary is moving to London, England soon. She's pursuing a career as a nail technician, she's really good, I saw her do this amazing picture of a ship at sea on someone's tiny little toe nail. It had seagulls and everything. Apparently that's how the East Germans used to carry messages across the border during the cold war, they had tiny little letters done on their nails that spelt things like 'watch out, nuclear deterrent under threat' or 'big lady makes five'. They have to do the history at nail college.
I'm going across to join her soon, once Janice decides whether or not she can bear to leave her new beau Angus. I'm like, 'HELLO! EUROPE!' How can she even think of staying here for a jock with serious '80s hair' issues and shoulder padded suit jackets. Eugh!
I think she'll come in the end (once she's had her wicked way with him) Then it'll be London London London. I can't wait. I've even bought a marker pen so I can black my teeth out and make it look like I was born there. I've also been watching old episodes of this sitcom called 'Coronation Street' so I can perfect the accent. Perfect.
Bye
xxxx
p.s. Mary. I hope all is well there in England. I'll let you know when we're coming over.