Fourteen Times I Tried Already

Mouths. Mouths. Mouths. That's all I see nowadays, everyone's just another mouth to feed. I took up a job down in Ricki's. It's disgusting. The boss has huge mamaries that just sweep everything off the counter when someone surprises her by wanting to order. They're like 'Uh, excuse me miss.' and she's like 'Oooh!' and sweep and there we are, everything on the floor. I have to go round and pick it all up. It's so demeaning. This one time the customer wouldn't get out of my way so I just licked my lips and knelt down right in front of him, he got out of the way then, I can tell yah.
So, the reason I'm working is because me and Janice have decided to go on a trip to Europe and I have to save up the money for the flight. I'm cacking my pants with excitement. We are going to have the BEST time. I've already seen this fabulous boutique hotel in London and we're going to travel to Edinburgh for the Edinburgher theatre festival. Also, I found out that Barcelona has some of the hottest men in the world just lying all over fountains and things, so that's a must. IIIII can't wait. Oh God, please let me go.
Janice is a lucky bitch. She found a stash of money under her (now enveloped) father's matress so she can just sit around in Ricki's watching me work while she eats her way to a slow and early death.
Does anyone have any suggestions of where we can stay in Paris. I thought we could camp under le tour eiffel, but Janice doesn't like the idea of a tent in case someone thinks it's one of her outfits.
love yah

M xx

Can you ever Forgive Me?

I'm so sorry Janice. I keep posting over your posts without even realising they're there. I get panicked.
xxxxM

Taking the Sugar Out With ME

So, I was walking down to my friend Briony's who lives like, not very far away at all, when I looked in my right hand and realised I was still holding the sugar shaker from breakfast. What is with that? It's like my mind is totally elsewhere at the moment (hence the unforgivable lack of blogs this week). I was like, get this shugar shaker out of my hand, oh my GOD! and I just threw it on the floor. Now. Interesting. Because I was walking through the park at the time and this old queen was walking his dalmation and was like,
"Hello, darling, I noticed you dropped your sugar."
and I was like
"Fuck off! Old Queen"
And, you know, I thought that would be totally enough to like shut his old jaded mouth. But it wasn't. He didn't even bat an old crumbly eyelid. He just laughed. and I thought. Hey, this old guy's kinda funny. So, anyway, he starts telling me how during the war everybody would take sugar to the park because it was a sign that you were a fag and if you wanted a bit of the old bum ho, it was the only way to make sure you weren't barking up the wrong tree so to speak. So, anyway, I was like totally interested and spoke to him for at least five minutes about the war and stuff. Then I wasn't interested any more and I couldn't help noticing that he had a really old bit of celery on his top lip. IT was really old, like way older than me probably. In fact it looked like it could have been in a soup long long ago.
Oooh...there goes my cell-phone. Wow! It was this guy Ryan who's totally hot and has great teeth.
He wants me to do a BBQ for everyone, but I'm not sure.
Anyway, back to the old man, where was I? Oh, yeah, the celery. So I was about to just gag right there in front of him. Luckily, Janice came along (she'd been held up talking to Wayne Jaffreys, her new beau) and was like
"Sorry, old man, he's not for sale"
and took me to safety at the edge of the graveyard. (Did I mention we were in a graveyard?) It was good to get away, but it's left me thinking a lot about old people and the war and all. Gee, I wonder what it was like. Oh well, guess I'll never know.
See ya
M xxxxxxx