The Boys Downstairs

Last night I was...
I'm so bored with myself. I must only speak the truth now. That's all I can do. So, here goes. My head hurts. My eyes are burning from all the chilli I chopped earlier and my ass hurts.
Let me tell you why.
Well, last night I heard a funny noise, like someone was ticking the outside of my front door. So, I go to see what it is and I look through the spy-hole and there's no one there. I'm kind of sleepy and for some reason I opened the door anyway and suddenly I get hit on the head with something heavy and that's it. That's all I remember. I came to to see two guys making out with my Yukka plant and then I must've blacked out again because the next thing it's morning. And boy, does my head hurt. Honestly! It felt like a rodeo cowboy had stomped all over it with his nervous stallion. It still don't feel too good.
Anyway, I have a look around my apartment and I think the only things that have been taken are a pair of Ralph Lauren boxer shorts, a Kate Bush CD, my yukka and some stationary. This has lead me to believe that it must've been my ex, Roger! We broke up disasterously back at the end of last year. I was telling a really intersting story about an audition I'd been to when he just started crying. Honestly. It was so embarassing. I had to dump him out in the cloakroom. He said he was crying because he loved me so much, but we all know what that mean...Cocaine! Yes. Don't fall for it. I certainly won't be again. He's probably snorting it right now off Arial: A Sea of Honey or Arial: A Sky of Honey, having bought it with the money he would've got for that enormous Yukka.
Gosh. I wish I had a penny for every time this had happened to me.

love you

Musty x