Your nose is too big

So, last night I was drinking beer and watching re-runs of Dallas when a man comes into my lounge. YEs! A man with no obvious reason for being there. I certainly hadn't let him in. My mom certainly hadn't let him in (she lives in the US still) and the only other person who might have had a key was in a surf 'n' turf accident last year and was DEAD! So, what the hell was going on.
Before I could find out, he started attacking me. He used all his strength to topple over the sofa I was resting on, trapping me beneath, my arms and legs pinned outside the main body of the couch. Then I felt a tickling sensation on my forearm. He was tickling me with something. And I don't mind telling you it was funny. Gosh! It was so funny I could've died down there from laughing, or from asphyxiation as I laughed away my last few cubic feet of oxygen.
Luckily my cat came to the rescue. She over-toppled the man and lifted the sofa off my body, allowing me to struggle free.
I kicked the guy out. No Wonder! And he walked easily towards the front gate whereupon he turned and said to me "Your nose is too big"
"Yeah! I said. Too big for what?" That was it. That's all I could think to say, Too Big For What? That's crap. People say you always think of the best retorts after the event, but I can't even think of one now.
"Your nose is too big?" I can't even begin to imagine why he said that.
The world is full of crazy people it seems and Glasgow seems to have more than it's fair share.
Anon.
To work.
Love and kissy wisses
M xxx