Okay, so, there I was...

Just minding my own business, watering my courgette plants (they're so cool, it's like having a pet or a baby, but totally organic.) when this guy comes up out of nowhere. Almost like an apparition except he had a bit of tissue stuck to his lip where he'd obviously blown his nose and I thought a ghost just wouldn't do that. Anyway, so he comes up and this was like May just a day after my last post and he said to me.
"hey, you're really beautiful. I love your leg." And I was like,
"REally? Thanks. I like yours too" Which I know is kind of gaggy, but I was too shocked to say anything else because even though he had a piece of tissue on his lip he was still totally gorgeous and had fine fine hair.
"Are you doing anything tonight" he said.
Aaaaaah! "No" I said. "Why? Do you wanna' ask me out for a milkshake, take me to a dark bar and rip my trousers off?" I didn't say that.
He made a mysterious signal in the air with his finger and then he was gone! Like a phantom.

That night. I couldn't sleep at ALL. Not At All. So I sat in the kitchen and counted the lines on my palm. Then. Bang on midnight I felt this enormous pulsing shock course through my body and a blinding light (with kind of glowling red veins running through it) exploded in my eyes. Anyway, to cut a long story short I was transported to a different place, perhaps even a different world and it was there I learnt new ways of speaking and the mysterious way of the dolphin, which was cool. I became the yogic leader of a pack of dog like men and together we travelled to the centre of everything and lying there were all the ingredients for a perfect dry martini. So we got drunk, did a bit of coke, did a bit of dancing and it was great.

Then, I realised, I missed home. I missed my friend Janice and I missed my blog. So, I said to my mysterious friend (who had multiplied by many hundreds since our first meeting) I said.
"Goodbye sir. I'm going now. I've enjoyed meeting you and reaching enlightenment too" And he made a strange hand signal in the air and so here I am.
Back.
It's coool.
Because I realised how making the perfect martini can make you so happy here on earth.
So. You should be hearing more of me again.
Byexxxxx