Mother!

Saturday. (Evenlode Junior School Fete and Jimkana)
Wow! It's real hot. It's so hot that when I breathe my lungs start to sweat inside. It was so hot that I had to get Allan (my mother's Labrador/Dutschhound) to lick me all afternoon. He would lick me and the evaporating saliva really cooled me down.
I haven't posted for a few days because for the past seventy three hours I have been wrestling with my conscience over whether I can afford this pair of jeans I saw in town. I really like them and I figure that if you really like something then you should buy it, even if you haven't got enough money to. I mean look at the Queen of England. I bet she didn't get where she is today worrying about whether she could afford that tiara. No! She came from nowhere and through sheer force of her spending habit, she's become a world class head of state and gotten her face on every stamp in the UK. She's great. What a girl. What a worker.
Also, I've been consoling Janice. She had a really hard time last week. She'd been trying to lose two pounds and had a great exercise routine worked out. She decided to put all the food in high-up cupboards so that she'd have to climb a ladder or get up on a chair whenever she wanted to snack. That way, she burned off more calories getting the food, than eating it. But it didn't work, she overestimated the calorific value of climbing on a chair and thought that it was about the equivalent of a doghnut. Consequently she's eaten more doghnuts that I, or she, could shake a stick at and she's put on almost half a stone. It's a pity, but, like I keep telling her, some people just suit a more curvaceous body and when they lose weight, people lose interest. Like that woman on ER. I mean who notices her anymore? Not ME!
Bye.